7 Steps To Navigating The Craziness!!!

First of all, there are no quick fixes.  Had a conversation with one of my life group leaders that was having issues with one of her students. Her student has been through some very tough things in her life, and my leader wanted to know how should she began to care for and support her student.  I shared with her a few things she could do and so I thought I’d share them with you.

1. Prayer – Praying for the Holy Spirit to lead and guide the conversation is so important.  The bible says in Ephesians 6:12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.  So you’re not just talking things through and everything’s all good.  You are going to battle with forces in the student’s life that wants to keep them where they are.  It’s a spiritual battle not a physical one.  You need to be prepared and ready.  You need wisdom only God can give (James 1:5), so prayer, prayer and more prayer should be your weapon of choice.
2. Active listening – The currency to being heard.  Active listening is more than just not talking and hearing the other person.  There is a certain posture you carry when you actively listen. You are sitting and/or standing facing the person.  You are looking them in the eye, and if you are sitting you are sitting on the edge of your seat giving them your undivided attention. When you are actively listening you are very slow to speak.
3. Empathy – You don’t have to fix or give instructions right away.  Mourn with them/cry with them/sit in silence with them.  Allow your presence the opportunity to comfort them.  We might not even know it but God uses our presence in peoples lives to just be a comfort to them.  Which is not easy because we want to say that word or sentence that puts them back on track.  The bible says in Romans 12:15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.  Sometimes students know what they need to do but just need the presence of someone as comfort.
4. Give Holy Spirit inspired guidance – The reason why I used “Holy Spirit inspired” is because you should be seeking God to give you what they need to hear.  Sometimes it’s not what you say, but how you say what you say that makes the difference.  Sometimes you are just there to help them find the answer themselves.  Allow God to guide.  Whatever guidance you give them think baby steps.
5. Refer when necessary – Don’t be afraid to refer students and parents to professionals.  Even though you refer them you still have a job to do.  You support them with prayer and your presence.
6. Set Boundaries(Very Necessary) – A lot of times we get all the other points but then we forget to set boundaries and we burn out.  Students who lack attention from the proper channels will abuse the attention you give them.  They don’t do it on purpose, its just the way it is.  You must set boundaries for the sake of your spiritual and relational well-being.  You will be spiritually drained and all of your relationships will be affected because you are literally being drained by one person who is dealing with issues that must be dealt with responsibly.
7. Don’t do it on your own – This must be a group effort between you and the parents.  Bring other trusted leaders into the mix to pray and maybe even spend time with the student.  The parents need to be in the loop every step of the way.  How much you share with the parents depends on the situation.  My rule of thumb is “when in doubt, tell them”.

What would you add to this list?

hope it helps

ac

Youth Workers: 4 Ways Facebook Can Be Awesome!!!

Facebook is definitely not the total solution but it can be very helpful when you think of it as a tool for Student Care/relational ministry.  Think about how it makes you feel when a student posts on your wall “thanks for being there for me” or something like that.  You feel like God is using you. You feel like,  “Wow! I am really making a difference”. Well, times that by twenty and you get how a student feels when we leave something encouraging on their wall.  Here are four quick ways I use Facebook to interact with students:

1. Encourage – Leaving a quick post of encouragement for a student or a volunteer on their Facebook wall can go a long way.  I went to a volleyball game this week and didn’t get to stay til the end and therefore I didn’t get to talk with the players that I knew. So when I got home I jumped on Facebook and posted on their wall some words of encouragement.
2. Affirm – There was a student I knew and she had brought her sister to one of our services.  She introduced me to her after service.  An emergency came up and I had to make our greeting really quick.  So, later on that evening when I got home I friended her on Facebook.  I posted on her wall who I was and that I hated to have to be so quick with her and that it was great meeting her.  Well, later her sister told me that what I posted was such a big deal to her sister.  Her sister couldn’t believe that I would take the time out of my day to find her on Facebook and apologize. I had basically affirmed that she was worth someone’s time.  It was super easy and the benefit of her feeling affirmed out weighed the time I spent typing the post.
3. Disciple – I get messaged all the time questions about faith, relationships and life in general.  Most of the time the questions come from students who would never have the courage to approach me face to face.  Also, I get the “hey my friend said you were someone I could talk to” message.  Facebook creates a veil for students to hide behind physically, but it also gives them the freedom to ask questions and have conversations that they normally wouldn’t have face to face. Also, I get to ask them “how’s their walk with Christ?” and their honesty always amazes me.  I definitely wasn’t that honest in high school but I also didn’t have Facebook either.
4. Build Relationships – Facebook allows me to communicate with students outside of youth night.  I have had great conversations with students about everyday stuff that’s going on in their life and also stuff going on in their spiritual life.  I’ve been able to meet a student at youth group for the first time, become Facebook friends and by the time I see them again we’ve already had great conversations about life and God.

How have you used Facebook in ministry?

hope it helps

ac

Youth Workers: Ministering to Students in Crisis!!!

Here’s a little training piece I wrote for our life group leaders.  Each situation can be different and call for a different response, but I believe the ones listed are super important as you support students during the time they need you the most.

• INVOLVE PARENTS RIGHT AWAY

Be up front with students and let them know that their parents will need to be involved. Let the student know that you have the responsibility to make someone else aware of the situation. As a small group leader you can never agree to  “never tell anyone what I am about to tell you.”  Our first option is to always try and coach the student to tell their parents, but be firm in letting them know that either way their parents must know.  Offer to do it together if need be, but it must be done.

• REFER TO A PROFESSIONAL

We are not professionals.  So if you feel for any reason that a student needs professional help, talk with their parents. If you do not feel comfortable talking with the parents you can call the Student Ministry office.  We will help you figure out a plan.

• BE PATIENT -1 Thessalonians4:15 

There will be times when the student that is getting help will relapse.  The fact that you have spent so much time with them praying and talking can easily make you take their relapse personally and get upset.  Be patient.  Especially, if the student comes and tells you, don’t waste that opportunity to model Christ’s love to them.

• PRAY CONTINUALLY -1Thessalonians 5:17     

Prayer should always be your first response. God has incredible plans for your students, and He wants you to be apart of it.  We must stay in communication with Him.  Connect with Him for the words to say and the steps to take, as you support students.

• LISTEN WELL AND ASK QUESTIONS – James 1:19

Students that are going through crisis need you to do these two things more than anything else. I know it’s so tempting to give them advice because you’ve been where they are or you know the solution to the problem.  Taking the time to intently listen and ask questions says a lot.  You never know, you could be the only adult in their life who listens to them intentionally.

• REMEMBER ONLY GOD CAN CHANGE THE HEART – Philippians 1:6

You are here because you like students and want God to do something awesome in their lives. God is going to use you.  We must remember that even though God uses us, He is the only one that can change hearts. So don’t carry the burden of this situation, thinking that you are the one that will change your students’ heart. God is faithful, He will fulfill His promise and complete the work that He has used you to begin.

• HSM IS HERE FOR YOU

Know that you are not serving alone – You can call on us and we will help out in any way we can.

 

WHAT TO DO IF A STUDENT IS IN DANGER

1.ASSES THE DANGER

These situations are never easy to handle, and we want to help you through it. Our team can help you decide if this situation is, indeed, one in which a report to authorities must be made and discuss further action with you. Even if you aren’t sure this is “big enough” to warrant reporting to the authorities, let us know what’s going on so we can pray for you and help you lead your student back toward health.

Who to contact from your staff:

(contact info)

2.Report to the Authorities

You are a MANDATED REPORTER which means you must REPORT known or suspected instances of CHILD ABUSE to the authorities.  You do not have to check with us first.  Legal action can be taken against you if you don’t.  We are definitely here for you if you are not sure and want to talk with someone about the situation.  Also, we are not mandated to report self-harm unless it is life threatening.

3.Follow Further Instructions

The church team will instruct you on what steps, if any, need to be taken from here. Most likely, your role in the reporting of the situation will be complete at this point, it would be rare for your involvement to be required beyond the initial report. Continue to pray for the situation and that it will be resolved quickly.

hope it helps

ac

For Youth Workers: Pastoral Care Quick Tip!!

I’ve kind of built this list to help me remember some important questions to ask parents when they call for help.  The conversations drive the questions that I ask, but for the most part I make it through most of the questions every call.  I remember a call I had from a parent and it lasted for about an hour.  The funny thing is she pretty much talked herself through the whole thing.  Basically, the call was successful not because of my wisdom, but my asking the right questions allowed her to think more critically about the situation than she had before.  I hope this is something you can use and even add to. I’m sure there are more great questions…

• How old is the student?
• What school do they go to?
• What grade are they in?
• What is the students situation?
• How long has it been like this?
• Do you have any idea as to why they are acting this way?
• How is their relationship with mom/dad/siblings?
• Are they seeing someone professionally?
• What have you already tried?
• How can I best serve you?
• Is the student a Christian?
• Are they involved in church?
• Have they been in a small group (life group) before?
• On a scale of 1 to 10 how violent do they get?
• What’s the parents relationship like? Married/Divorced/Get along either way?
• How often do you hang out as a family?

hope it helps

ac

Youth Worker: Meeting With Students Can Be Challenging!!!

I had a parent call concerned about her teen.  The student had done something the parents didn’t see coming and it really rocked their relationship.  So the parent called and told me what happened and that they wanted me to talk with their teen.  Before we got off the phone the parent said, “oh and by the way, they don’t want to come talk to you. I’m making them come anyways!”  Shocker right! The reality is that this is the nature of all the calls I get.  To be honest, I wouldn’t want to talk with someone either if I’ve done something wrong. Especially if my parents are going to make me.  Well, I’ve seen God work miracles in the lives of students through our conversations.  So after I work through things with the students I started asking them what were their thoughts about meeting with me.  These are some of things they said:

• I was just going to try and fix them.
• They would share as little as possible and give short answers.
• I can’t help them because I don’t know the whole story.
• They feel judged.
• I’m going to help their parents control them.
• The most common response amongst the students I’ve asked was that they think I have automatically taken their parents side on the issue so why bother?

I’ve used this information to help me navigate conversations with students.  Here are a few of the many steps I take in response to the way the students are thinking:

• First, I remember only God can change the heart. So I take time to pray for the time I’ll be meeting with the student.
• I do not jump right into talking about the problem.
• I intentionally ask questions about their family relationships, school, sports or a hobby of theirs. -The problem tells you nothing about who the student is, so I ask questions in these areas to give me a more holistic view of the student.
• I’m not here to add onto the guilt or shame the student already feels. I’m here to connect the student to Christ.  So I’m careful to use language that encourages and pushes them in the right direction. Speaking the truth in love just like Christ did.  You don’t want to add to the people in their life speaking negative to them.
• Ask questions about their walk with Christ or the lack of their relationship with Christ.  I’ve found that a lot of students problems stems from problems in their relationship with Christ or the lack there of. Of course there are practical steps the student needs to take but Christ is the ultimate solution we must push.
• I’m transparent with my own life when the holy spirit leads me to be in relating with the student.  – Students respond when they know you can truly understand them. Word of Caution: “Be lead by the Holy Spirit”.
• I’m very conscious to the fact that I need to see the student the way God sees them and not allow anything that they have done to alter my view.

There is definitely a lot more that I could say as I think about this topic.  Interacting with students can be easy when they think your awesome, but can be very challenging when you have to be the leader who has to speak the truth.  I’ve seen God work miracles in the lives of students.  I’ve seen God change their hearts and instead of being a hassle to their parents they become a blessing to their parents.

hope it helps

ac

Friday Quick Tip: A Way to Use Facebook for Pastoral Care!

Thought I’d share this with you.  Creating a culture of students who pray for each other.  My first idea was to do a traditional prayer area that students could go get prayer.  I would staff the area with leaders and students.  I really wanted students to experience the value having people praying for them.  My first idea didn’t go the way I expected.  I would get a few students a month to the prayer area, where I would have leaders and students standing post.

Then I had the idea to use Facebook as the area for prayer and use that area for organic connections and prayer.  Since students are already on Facebook it was a matter of meeting them where they are.  So I created HSMiPRAY where students are praying for students.  The only people that can join  are high school students and our youth group leaders.  When a student joins they read the description and are free to start posting prayer request and praying for other students who post in the group.

Here’s the description:

iPRAY Ministry (Students Praying for Students) – We are devoted to praying for others and our ministry. Without self-gaining motives and we are thankful for the means of communication by which we can talk to God. God never intended for people to walk alone in life, but in community with him and others. So this group was created for us to walk together in prayer. Praying for each other and our ministry.

There is no prayer too SMALL that God is too busy to hear and there is also no prayer too BIG and CRAZY that God isn’t big enough to handle. From school work to parents divorcing, God cares about it all.

You can message us your prayer request and the iPRAY team will pray for you. hsmIPRAY@groups.facebook.com

or post it on our wall…if you don’t mind others that have joined the group to see and pray with you.

AGAIN – There is no prayer too SMALL that God is too busy to hear and there is also no prayer too BIG and CRAZY that God isn’t big enough to handle. From school work to parents divorcing, God cares about it all.

I would ask that we’re all mindful of people’s request…and just encourage others if comments are made.

When a prayer request is posted students either (like it) or post as a comment (“praying for you” or something encouraging).  We do not encourage or allow advice giving.  If a student posts a prayer request that might need attention, our pastoral care team will contact that student through Facebook and offer to meet with them and talk.  So if we see someone give advice (even if it’s good) we delete it.  I actually contact the student via Facebook and say “great advice but we want this to be just for prayer and encouragement because if everybody gave advice it could get out of hand”.  Usually it’s a close friend who’s giving the advice so I encourage them to contact them directly with the advice.

We have 150 students added and we have not advertised it at all.  It’s really just been word of mouth, friends adding their friends, etc.  We’ve had prayer requests from students who are struggling in their faith to students who’s parents are divorcing.  It is an awesome sight to see students who aren’t even Facebook friends praying for each other.  They know they don’t have to wait til youth group to get prayer.  They can post at anytime and have people praying for them at anytime.

hope this helps

ac

Pastoral Care for Student Ministries!

In youth ministry the concept of pastoral care for students can be a little unclear.  I would love to start a conversation about what pastoral care for students should look like.  I’ve talked with a lot of youth workers and leaders about this and I usually get one or two answers.

• “Well, it’s on a case by case bases.” – what does that even mean?!?!
• “Who ever knows the kid well enough and their personalities kind of click handles pastoral care.”

For most of us, if we are honest with ourselves, we are just winging it. I can tell you that if there isn’t an intentional plan it is most likely not being done. I like to think pastoral care is a proactive response of ministry.  We think about what is the ministries response to students who are going through tough situations in their faith and life, and how can we be proactive in our response.  Most of the time when we give the answers above it’s because we have made some assumptions by default.

A few assumptions we make about our ministry when it comes to Pastoral Care are:

1. Our programs are good enough.
2. Our kids are serving so they must be on the right path.
3. Attendance equals growth – students who come to every event you have are healthy.
4. Our small group leaders are handling it.

I definitely believe this is an area we must be intentional about and we must make this just as much of a priority as the programs we create for fellowship, evangelism, etc…  I learned from my own ministry that there are students I will over look who are struggling with their faith or are having major issues going on at home because of my assumptions and lack of intentionality.  So what are the steps I took towards being intentional in this area? Well, first I had to ask myself some questions about the ministry.

• Have we made pastoral care a priority?
• Within the programs we do have,  how can we create opportunities to care for students better?
• Are we training our leaders to care for students, or are we assuming since they signed up that they know what to do? – most of the time if we are winging it than they are to.
• Are we assuming that our core students have it all together because of participation?

Here are a few ideas that we’ve implemented:

1. Our large group time volunteers have been trained to be proactive. We have really maximized our time with our students by commissioning our leaders to not just be available but be active. Check out – Active or Just Available?
2. Prayer during service for students that is tied into the service. – We’ve also had them fill out a “contact me” card just so we can follow up for continue care if needed.  Most of the time you will get students who need prayer but also some guidance, so being able to follow-up is critical.
3. We also give each student a prayer request card so they can fill it out and request prayer.  We are intentional about not being super generic about those who need to fill them out. Example: If the message is about students making bad decisions, then we will ask those students who have done so to write “contact me” on the back of the card if they need someone to talk with.  We work that part into the message because it carries more weight than just making an announcement.
4. We used a “text in” if you are dealing with porn.  So students were able to text in for someone to contact them and talk with them about their struggle with porn.
5. Grab a group of trusted volunteers to meet with core students one on one.  Your core students would love it.  I can tell you from experience, the students who are there all the time need to be met with.  Those are the students who get the less care because of the attendance equals growth factor.
6. Start a prayer chain with your leaders for the ministry and students. – This can be open to any church member who is willing to spend a few minutes in prayer a week for the ministry. – If I was listing in order of importance this would definitely be at the top.
7. Training our staff and volunteers on how we will respond to students who are dealing with hot topic issues like same sex attraction, self harming, etc…

These are some super simple things that we’ve added to our ministry.  These are just examples of what we’ve done.  You know your ministry better than me, so come up with your own ideas for your students.  The point I want you to get out of this post is to be intentional about caring for your students.  Just because the students are coming out and sharing things voluntarily doesn’t mean it is not going on.  We have have to think proactively.

Would love to hear more ideas on how you are caring for your students.

Any thoughts?

hope it helps

ac